On the train the other day I pushed past the piles of laptops and disks left by government ministers and secret service operatives, then noticed an envelope marked 'Celebrity Chef thank you letters to Santa'. Apparently the government thinks it is necessary to monitor such communications for reasons of national security. Following the pattern set by The Daily Telegraph with MPs' expenses I am thus going to release the most informative of them in dribs and drabs over the Christmas period (not the supermarket period obviously or this would have begun in October). First off is a pithy little missive, redacted (when did we start using that word instead of censored?) because of the strong language in it. I have no idea who this could have been from, as the signature was blurred and scratched angrily into the paper.
Dear Santa,
When will you learn? The presents you delivered were useless, you are
useless, now f--- off and get me what I asked for in the first place you total t---.
Yours,
[unknown]
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