I love many things about food and drink at Christmas. For a start it's the only day of the year when we drink at breakfast - a glass of champers with our bacon butty (egg butty for the newly vegetarian Dear Leader (eternal sorrows to her enemies) this year). We eat too much on the big day, but this is balanced by making good use of leftovers for a week thereafter. We buy special foods, we cook special meals, we drink special bottles.
It's lovely, but these days a dark cloud looms even as we feast - January has become the hair shirt month. Dry January. Veganuary. There are doubtless more such in preparation, or whose existence has not filtered through to Darkest Lancashire yet.
Firstly, bollocks to Veganuary, it is not natural to need B12 supplements. And half-bollocks to dry January - we do a weekend and the surrounding weekdays either side without a tipple, New Year's Day onwards, so this year about 10 or 11 days.
These events are joyless, so I've come up with my own idea - spread the word, and mention my name in despatches: here's to Funbruary. February is probably the most depressing month of the year weather-wise, a long way into Winter, a long way from decent light again. We need something enjoyable about it, so I propose a month in which we make an effort, resources allowing, to eat chocolate every day; to ask for white toast in hotels even if the waiting staff raise their eyebrows now; food will be chosen to match the best bottles in the cellar (well, cupboard), not the other way round; we'll have friends in to enjoy those bottles of fine Port, Madeira and Sherry that we buy in for Christmas and don't get round to drinking. And we'll not feel guilty. Is that too much to ask for one month, and the shortest at that?
Postscript: having written this I googled Funbruary, and others got there first. Damn. But good on them all the same.
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