Ten Things You Should Know About Croutons

1. Edward VII's personal coat of arms included three croutons on a field of lobster bisque and a courtesan rampant.
2. Worldwide there are more than 500 deaths every year caused by poorly prepared croutons - if the poison sack is not carefully removed the residue is potentially fatal.
3. No two croutons are ever alike, thanks to their unique crystal structure.
4. Al Capone is once said to have killed a rival by bludgeoning him with a particularly large crouton.
5. If you are ever lost, and have a crouton on you, point it at the sun and the greasy side is due west.
6. During the Parliamentary expenses scandal three MPs were found to have claimed simultaneously for croutons in London and at their constituency addresses.
7. Crouton is derived from the Ancient Greek root Crotos, meaning soggy and pointless.
8. During the French Revolution loyalty to the King was secretly signalled by keeping a small crouton in ones ear.
9. A crouton was found by Howard Carter in King Tut's tomb, and it was still edible. But Carter was very hungry with all that digging.
10. It was once rumoured that the EU crouton mountain was so big and dense that Brussels reputedly feared creating a man-made black hole. But then some people will believe any rubbish they are told if it's brazen and bigoted enough.