Victoria Beckham’s Food for the Stylish
We’re pretty sure this is unreal (it’s utterly unreal), just
as we are generally convinced that anything where the word celebrity is used is
the fantasy of some PR creative committee (do those last three words go
together?). Perhaps like so much of Dallas (takes you back) and indeed
celebrity culture (now those words are really incompatible) this is all a bad
dream. But here goes. As the blurb promises, for just a few tens of thousands
of pounds you can eat like multi-talented Victoria and other such multi-talented celebrities.
Multi-talented Victoria’s secret (hmm) is a disarmingly simple one: she
employs a team of talented chefs (poor things, only one talent) who for example hand carve a variety of lettuce
leaf, chicory and celery salads to her precise instructions, blending four
drops of single estate Tuscan olive oil and one of rare vintage balsamic vinegar personally blessed
by Pope Francis to dress them. A stylist then arranges each leaf according to a
plan devised by the multi-talented Victoria herself! Start your meal with her
fabulous pea soup, made with the freshest pea in Harvey Nicks and mineral water
flown in from Switzerland, and end it with her witty take on the chocolate
fudge sundae, a sun-warmed Revel garnished with half a cashew nut.
The beautifully photographed non-existent tome has images detailing how
each dish is constructed, and is ideal for the hard of thinking, using less ink
than one of multi-talented hubby David’s tattoos. This could completely change the way we
think about food, or it could be so ridiculous that even the British public won’t
go for it in spite of the planned TV series and the exclusive launch in Fatuous!
Puerile! Vapid! and Brain-Dead! magazines this December. Like this book they don't exist either, but it's just a matter of time.
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